Eclectic Reality

Some of your kids have already done the trick or treating thing.  Some will do it today.  Most will probably knock on doors tomorrow on Halloween, but almost all will have bags full candy for sorting, trading, playing with and ultimately EATING.  This last part puts fear into the hearts of parents everywhere.  ALL THAT CANDY.  Sugar, food dye, cavities, and meltdowns, oh my!

So how are YOU planning to handle it this year?  Oh wait, let me rephrase.  How are you going to handle YOURSELF this year.  Because ultimately, you have no business doing anything with the Halloween candy that your child doesn’t explicitly want you to do.  It’s not your candy.  Let me repeat myself.

Its. Not. Your. Candy.

So, now that we’ve established that, please step away from the loot.  Can you think of any other person you would treat that way?  Would you take control of someone else’s abundance and then tell them how much they can have, and when they can have it?  No.  You probably wouldn’t and you’re child’s Halloween candy is no different.

You have no excuse now.  Your kid won’t be poisoned and probably won’t be stuck in the lip by a needle.  We’ve been through that. So what now?  Why is it that parents are getting ready to divvy up the Halloween candy and how are they going to do it?  There’s probably a million different ways parent’s  try handle this situation, and I want to know one thing.  What on earth is this accomplishing? Sometimes it helps to think of it in terms of the message you are sending.

1. Imposing your will over another person based on a feeling is OK.
2. Imposing your will over someone else’s property because of your feelings is OK.

Um…  No.

If you take away, hide, or control the candy, you are creating the forbidden fruit effect.  Any object that someone wants can be turned into the forbidden fruit simply by that person feeling or knowing they can’t or shouldn’t have it.  If you take away the candy and preach how bad it is for them, they will want more.  And they will likely find a way to have more and sneak it in the future.  Forbidden fruit can also create sneaky children.

If you’re thinking that I’m suggesting you let your kids keep their candy wherever they want and eat it whenever and consume however much they want then, you’re RIGHT.  See here’s the thing, your kids don’t want to feel sick anymore than you do.  Your kids don’t want to have nightmares any more than you do.  Your kids don’t really want to displease you.  Yet, holiday after holiday parents still take away the candy in the name of belly aches, nightmares and bad behavior.  Kids should be trusted and encouraged to care for their own bodies, but how can they do that when they are never given the chance?  Your fears are just that; YOUR fears.  Here are a couple ideas how to handle those fears this Halloween.

1. Create Space. Kids who have no restrictions placed on candy don’t have issues with binging.  If your child has never had candy freedom then prepare for a marathon candy tasting session.  Some kids are sensitive to food dyes and preservatives and it affects them emotionally.  Prepare by not making any plans for a few days after Halloween.  Long sugar binges can also lead to tired emotional kids.  Keep protein snacks around the house to help their bodies recover.  String cheese, peanut butter, and meat (if they will eat it) are good to keep on hand.
2. Discuss, don’t lecture. There is a difference between giving your kids information and lecturing them until their ears hurt.  Kids who have information are able to make better decisions for themselves.  It’s great to talk about health and the effects that food has on our bodies, but if you’re talking moves toward coercion then you’re better off just not talking at all.  Wait until later, talk about food, not fear based arguments.  My favorite Halloween candy is candy corn.  I’d be really irritated if my husband sat there and lectured me on the evils of candy corn while I ate it (or at all)!  Yes sir, eating an entire bag of candy corn makes me feel like shit, but it’s sooooo worth it (drool).  Those are the choices that we are ALL allowed to make in our lives.

I hope you have a super fun, awesome, candy filled Halloween!

Here we are again!  It’s October!  Halloween is just 3 days away and I just know all you moms and/or dads are working frantically to get your kids costumes finished so you can start your own, right?  This year I’m going as myself.  But if you’re in the market for a quick costume try these on for size:

• A Shot in the Dark – Dress in all black and hang a shot glass around your neck.  (submitted by my brother Shane)
• The Neighborhood Ho – Dress in all brown, fashion a garden ho out of a box and wear it on your head.  Wallah!  (invented by my wonderfully creative mom)  Whoever said Ho’s were easy…  is right!
• Helicopter Mom – My personal favorite.  Get one of those silly hats with the propeller on top and trick or treat with your kids.  Of course, some of us don’t really need a propeller at all, were already hovering.  And for those of us that aren’t, the US Consumer Product Safety Commission wants to make sure that they take that place under the propeller on Halloween night.  Take into consideration this little graphic they released just for the holiday.

Really?  Since when did we need so many guidelines when playing dress-up?  I mean at first glance, it all seems to be fairly good advice right?  Well, no.  Think about the message this graphic sends.  Halloween is DANGEROUS.  Make sure you can see!  Don’t catch on fire!  Don’t trip! Make sure everyone can see YOU!  Inspect your candy…  you never know!

In the “safety alert” they also mention that you should “avoid costumes made with flimsy materials and outfits with big, baggy sleeves or billowing skirts.”  Sorry Princess, you’re going to have to be an 80’s aerobics instructor this year.  I wouldn’t want your flimsy clothing and billowy skirt to go up in flames from knocking on people’s doors.

Here’s the best part of the “alert”.  Ready?

“Treats: Warn children not to eat any treats before an adult has carefully examined them for evidence of tampering.”

So we’ve probably been hearing this since WE were children…  right?  My mom used to cut my apples I got from trick or treating in case there were needles or razor blades inside.  But has anyone ever wondered what this was all about?  There must be a lot of reports of poisoned candy and injuries from projectiles in the fruit, right?  Wrong.

There have been about  80 tracked cases razor blades and needles in food since 1959.  Most of those were hoaxes and only about 10 ever led to injury.  That’s TEN injuries from tampering with Halloween food in the last 52 years and this independent government agency wants all parents sifting through their child’s Halloween candy in search of tampering!?  Puh-lease.

And BTW, as far as Snopes in concerned, there is no evidence of a “genuine Halloween poisoning”.  None.  Zilch.  Nada.

You could get hit by a car, you could catch on fire, you could be stuck in the lip by a needle, or you could be poisoned. For Christ’s sake… YOU COULD DIE!

Ssssss......

Happy Halloween!!!

Inspiration: Reason Magazine

I’m not raising my son Milo to be the best Surgeon in the world.  I’m not raising him to be a world renown Author.  I’m not raising my boys to be the next Jonas Brothers.  I’m raising my son Milo to be the most fulfilled Milo that there is in the whole wide world.  Milo knows best, at every waking moment of his life, what it is that will make his life joyful, and full.  Who am I to tell him otherwise?

All people have opinions and biases.  It makes us human.  Even if it’s your job to be unbiased, it’s still there.  That news reporter still votes.  That referee still has a favorite team.  There’s no avoiding it.

Growing up, there were a lot of things I inherited from the adults in my family.  We were poor, so there was always an emphasis put on making a lot of money when I was older.  My step-father, and my father, who both worked in construction, would often tell me “Don’t be an idiot like me, push a pencil when you get older, be a lawyer or an accountant or something.”  Having heard that statement so much growing up, doing physical work became something I saw as bad, and that you should avoid if possible.  I learned that the ultimate goal was to make lots of money, without a lot of physical work.  Money is nice, but there are certainly no shortage of unhappy wealthy people in the world.  If I was instead encouraged to formulate my own opinions, based on my own experiences, perhaps creating things and doing something that was physically challenging would have been very fulfilling for me.

Our parents shape our opinions in other ways too.  While there were certain opinions I had inherited, there were others that were simply there in defiance of my parents (a topic for a whole separate article).  My step-father, whom I lived with from about age 5 to 15, was a miserable bastard.  In 10 years I don’t think we had 2 conversations.  Many of my opinions growing up were just there so that I was the opposite of him.  He liked football, so I grew to dislike football.  He liked hunting, so I hated hunting.  He liked Led Zeppelin, so, sadly, I hated Led Zeppelin.  As it turns out, in my adult life, these are all things I do now enjoy to varying degrees.

What is the fundamental difference in our household then?

We are nurturing our children’s inner voice and making it strong, rather than replacing it with our own voice.

Sometimes it’s about listening, even when it’s a topic you haven’t been interested in.  And don’t fake it, your kids see right through that.  Be genuinely interested in The Power Rangers, or whatever they are building in Minecraft.  When they have an interest, even if that is very different than your own, feed it.

Their musical interests may not be your cup of tea, but don’t talk badly about it.  Recognize that there is something about it that connects with them.  Your music might be very different, but connects with you in a similar way.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  After all, my oldest son Skylar really doesn’t like the poor recording quality of a lot of my older DIY punk rock albums, and prefers a more polished product.    The sometimes difficult task we have is to find that line, and give information, not push your opinion.  It’s the difference between “That music is so commercial and without feeling” and “What I like about this album is the raw emotion and energy.”

I try hard to make sure my kids don’t just get my biases and opinions simply because I am their father.  If we feel the same way about something, that’s great, but I want it to be because they’ve given that particular thing some thought.  Be it religion, politics, or their taste in music, I want it to be their own.  We’re letting them develop their own opinions based on their life experiences, not my past life experiences, and that is one of the greatest gifts we can give them as their parents.