I left the house at around 1pm yesterday and didn’t return until about 9pm. I was gone for 8 hours. Shopping. Shopping is hard work. My pits were super stinky by the end of the day! Next time I’ll need to bring wipes and deodorant. I never knew the power workout that is called… shopping. Without realizing that the shopping mall is indeed a very fancy place, this is what I wore:
Most of the women in the mall, (or at least the ones I couldn’t help but notice) were wearing fancy shirts, skin tight jeans, high heels, and tons of makeup. By the end of the day I think they might look even better then when they started! I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing. I have to hand it to them, I barely made it down to the ferry terminal in my boots once I realized how sore my muscles were. We brought new meaning to the words “shop till you drop”.
I used to HATE shopping. I would last maybe 20 minutes to an hour TOPS. Then all the energy would drain out of my body and I would start yawning and become basically unresponsive. It was a similar feeling to sitting in a high school desk for an extended length of time. Total lack of energy and the only sound I could utter is, “Ugggghhhhhh”.
I’m not sure if I was ever fashionable in my life, by any standard really. I remember always being uncomfortable in just about anything I ever wore. I can specifically remember my first independent fashion choice (by independent, I mean not based on anyone’s opinion or style). It was 9th grade. I had taken a trip to a mall out of town and purchased a really cute floral, stretchy skirt. I got it home and realized that the purple in my skirt was the very same purple my newly purchases and daring high top chuck’s were made of! Oh. Oh yes. It was on! The next morning when I got up for school , I got dressed before breakfast because I was so excited about my outfit. Skirt, socks, purple hi top chucks. Squeeee!
It felt gooooood to be me. It felt gooooood to stand out. I felt sassy and awesome. It was an outfit I was going to love, forever. I felt powerful for the entire morning! I went to French class where I admired my legs sticking out from under my desk. I loved French class, but I hated French. I loved going to class because my Junior boyfriend’s locker was on that floor and right across from my class. I saw him through the window and as soon as the bell rang I went to him; as I did every Tuesday and Thursday of every week. His friends were on either side of him; a very after school special-ish scene. We talked, though I can’t remember what we said and then his friends went off to class. He stayed for a moment, looked me in eyes and said, “Oh and by the way, don’t EVER wear anything like that again.” Then he walked away.
Crushed isn’t even the word for it. My bubble popped. My world crashed. My heart broke. Everything changed right at that moment. Everything. I loved him and it was the beginning of a very long downward spiral for me personally and for my fashion sense. Obviously there were other issues in my life as to why I felt the way I did, but this was a turning point for me, and not a positive one. I never really got it back. I mean I tried a lot of different styles on and I wore a lot of different clothes, but I never really got that feeling back. Then exacerbate the problem with 3 pregnancies plus an ever changing body and that spark I felt when I put something on that I liked, loved, ADORED… was completely extinguished.
Until very recently, that is. It’s funny how people are often thinking the same things at the same time, because right around the time I started to really care about my clothes, my friend Tiffani wrote this super inspiring post. She’s doing a 52 week series on getting acquainted with yourself that I highly, HIGHLY recommend. I don’t always do the challenges, but this one I sort of did by accident. I’ve been making it a point to love myself more. (The past me has major, GINORMOUS issues with self-love.) Part of showing myself some love is paying attention to how I feel in my clothes and getting myself some threads that I really just want to be in. It’s a slow process, I don’t know how I could replace my wardrobe all at once, though it really does need such an overhaul! I need more time! However, after our EPIC shopping trip this weekend, I feel pretty awesome to have come home with a few more pieces that I love.
It’s funny how not too long ago stepping out in those socks would have been too much for me, but now I just love wearing them everywhere. I love bringing color back into my life. I spent a lot of years dressing in mostly black and being enveloped in color is really making me happy.
It doesn’t make any sense to judge clothing based on your negative view of yourself. If you love it, if it speaks to you, then make it work and allow yourself to feel fabulous in it.